so this weekend was fun – saturday some friends and i rode up and did the virginia creeper trail bike ride again (17 miles). Dan and Kevin rode up with me. we arrived in damascus, va a little early so that we could find some lunch. this is what went down.
(driving in to damascus)
“oh there’s subway, we could go there, let’s go park and walk back.”
(drives past subway)
“oh there’s a substation, we could just go there.” (mind you, it’s clearly in a gas station)
“that’s cool.”
(park at bike shop)
(walk to substation)
(enter substation through cloud of smoke) – red flag #1
(approach food counter – notice “hot” items including fried chicken, egg rolls and corndogs) – red flag #2 – what gas station in the middle of bumf*ck virginia serves eggrolls??
(notice there are also at least 150 deviled eggs wrapped in saran wrap) – red flag #3 – no way did they make those deviled eggs that morning and no way would i ever eat one at home unless it was fresh.
(erin & craig standing behind us)
dan: “i would like a 6 in turkey sub on white please”
(dan receives blank look from lunch lady – read: are you sure you don’t want the chicken?) – red flag #4 – lunch lady’s hesitation.
kevin: “i’ll have the same”
leigh: “i’ll have one too – turkey”
(lunch lady cuts bread which appears to be very white – almost doughy – but i’m not sure, i think i was wearing sunglasses…lol)
(lunch ladies search sandwich station and in the back; no turkey to be found)
lunch lady: “actually, we don’t have no turkey. see, after today we don’t have subs anymore, so (laughing) they have stopped sending us stuff. so what kind of meat do you want instead?”
(erin & craig disappear)
(leigh gives the look to kevin. kevin gives the look to dan. we shrug it off and keep on course…)
leigh & kevin: “i’ll have ham”
dan: “i’ll have roast beef”
(lady pulls top off meat keeper in sandwich station and digs around for roast beef. lifts saran wrapped roast beef out of bin. blood is dripping from mess of roast beef)
(dan makes a face. dan gives leigh and kevin the eye. dan climbs over kevin to watch what is happening with the roast beef).
(lady pulls ham out of bin. ham is also saran wrapped, with 6/26 written on the saran wrap. ham is also dripping mass quantities of blood as it is removed from bin. lady cups her hand under the ham in order to prevent blood from dripping all over the place).
(leigh and kevin both make faces, look at each other, look at dan, still wonder what to do)
leigh (to kevin, joking): “maybe you should go buy some T.P.”
(lady puts ham and cheese on the bread)
lady: “who had the ham”
(erin & craig are buying prepackaged items at the counter)
leigh: “um, me”
lady: “what do you want on it”
leigh: “uh, lettuce and tomatoes”
(leigh thinking to herself, just shut up and let her make the sandwich, i’ll pay for it and throw it away…dont…want…to…have…confrontation)
(lady takes the top off the lettuce holder. less than one handful of lettuce in the bin. lettuce in the bin appears to be the yellow/white heart part of lettuce that you don’t really want to eat. lady scoops a little bit out and spreads on sandwich.)
(leigh gives look to kevin)
leigh: “sooooo, how long has this stuff been sitting here?”
(kevin gives nod to dan)
dan: “i’m sorry, but, i’m going to have to cancel my order. i can’t do this. this isn’t right.”
kevin: “yeah, i’m going to have to cancel too”
leigh: “me too, this is ridiculous”
(dan, leigh & kevin jet out of the store and hightail it to subway)
lunch lady (trailing off): “we’re just going to have to throw it away anyway…”
